Let’s take a trip down history lane for a moment to recall the times when Fisher “Theory God” Diede wasn’t in The Friars… We were in a Dark Ages of sorts after being banished to a downward death spiral of unoriginality after being cursed by the dark forces of evil to be condemned for their excessive tomfoolery to sing Graduate on Time, Buckeye Girl, and Root-Doot for the rest of eternity. Until, after a particularly disastrous Annual Study Break Concert, which was so boring and so unoriginal that the students in the crowd started studying and even the old ladies from Ann Arbor that come to every single one of our concerts just a lil’ tipsy complained about how “boring and unattractive we [were] this year,” the roof of Rackham Auditorium shattered with a loud CRACK and a single beam of light descended onto the stage and down fluttered a beautiful dove that alighted itself upon the nest of Alex Cherry’s head and began to sing the most beautiful and complex harmony ever heard in the history of ever. Then suddenly, in a puff of smoke, the angelic bird transformed into the man we know and love who’s first words to the group were: “did you hear that French augmented sixth chord?” and, “your curse is lifted by the way.” We are forever grateful for this divine intervention from the musical gods for giving us our resident PAT major.
Jacob, aka “the hottest Friar,” is a tall glass of clear, cool water hailing from Middleville, MI. He was the star of his high school basketball team at Thornapple-Kellogg and holds the MHSAA record for most rebounds in a season without scoring a single point (87 in his senior year). In hopes of continuing his successful basketball career as a Wolverine, Jacob went to walk-on tryouts during his freshman year. He showcased his prowess on the boards, but failed to sink a single bucket during the entire week of tryouts, leaving head coach John Beilein no choice but to cut him. Saddened by his suddenly shattered dreams of becoming the next Yao Ming, Jacob grimly sauntered out of Crisler Arena and up State St towards the diag. He was in a state of true disbelief. Should he practice hard and come back next year or give up his basketball dreams forever? It was just then that he heard a beautiful voice from above belting out Beyonce’s part on “Perfect Duet” by Ed Sheeran. He looked all around, trying to find the source of the angelic song, when suddenly Wesley Fields emerged from the clouds. He was floating slowly down to Earth and Jacob felt as if he was singing directly into his soul. When Wesley finally touched down, he continued singing, staring straight into Jacob’s beautiful blue eyes from an uncomfortably proximate distance. This all felt very strange to Jacob, but not to Wesley who had been scouting the talented bass since his breakthrough role as Curly in his high school production of Oklahoma! Wesley continued singing, and Jacob knew just what he had to do. He joined in, and in perfect duet harmony together they sang, “Darling, just hold my hand. Be your girl, you'll be my man, and I see my future in your eyes.” Little did Jacob know that this was his Friars audition, and he nailed it.
When Ryan first joined the glee club, his blinding golden hair burned the retinas of those around him. The poor man soon became ostracized by all the clubbers who desperately needed their eyes to sightread music. To stay in the club, he was contractually obligated to wear a baseball cap for the clubbers' sake.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve, the Friars came to say, "Ryan, with your hair so bright, won't you guide our sleigh tonight?"
Then all the clubbers loved him as they shouted out with glee, "Ryan, the gold-haired Friar, you'll go down in history!"
Unfortunately, once the Friars finished gifting everybody the sounds of their voices, they had no need for Ryan as the sleigh was really only a Christmastime gig prop. However, due to his luscious baritone voice and rather impressive knowledge of films, the Friars decided he was worth keeping around for a few more rides.
Born in the alpaca-farming town of Hastings, MI, Marshall "Packing" Cherry is a sight to behold. Although his days of hauling alpaca feed are long gone, he still maintains the tree trunks of legs built through that grueling labor. Marshall is also a member of one of the great boy bands of our generation, the "Michigan Marching Band". It is because of his boy band involvement that he maintains the "young Justin Bieber" haircut we all know and love. Beyond these things, he is known to enjoy underwater basket weaving, mixed martial arts, and a nice, stiff brandy. He got into singing after not sleeping for 4 days and hallucinating that he was singing with the whales beneath the sea. We give thanks for these hallucinations twice weekly.
When you think of a freshman phenom, you probably think of Zion Williamson, Trevor Lawrence, or maybe even the Fab Five. But what if I told you that the most phenomenal freshman of all is someone you’ve never even heard of? Not only does he have a vertical leap Zion would envy and a cannon of an arm that would make Trevor Lawrence gawk, but our very own Kevin Yan was also gifted musical ability from the Gods. Hailing from Northville, MI, Kevin’s incredible versatility to both melt hearts with his melodious voice and slap out a piano part with ease gave us no choice but to snag him away from less elite acapella groups. While we enjoy watching Kevin throw down 360o windmill dunks from the free throw line and sling the ol' pigskin 80+ yards, we love it most when he’s out there singing tags with us elder friars. Welcome to the group, Kevin, you’re the true GOAT.
Before pilgrims arrived aboard the Mayflower, many, many, many fortnights ago…A family of infamous spice merchants from the northern Khuvsgal Aimag region of Mongolia crossed the Bering Strait and settled in a far-away land currently known as Saline, Michigan. Fearful that the pompous city folk of Ann Arbor would catch wind of their foreign and zesty spices, the Conzelspice’s began to manufacture their goods in an underground lair south of Bennett St. and altered their surname to Conzelmann as an effort to “blend in.” However, with the birth of their son David (AKA the Spice Man) they knew that laying low would be difficult as David turned out to be a sorcerer of the spices more powerful than the world had ever seen. In addition to becoming the official retailer of spices for TGI Friday’s, the Spice Man uses this elusive power to spice up otherwise boring baritone parts and melt audiences with his gentle spicy falsetto.
Raised in the bay-side utopia of Moraga, CA, Richard Ricky "Sears" Lomas X played highly competitive tennis throughout high school. Before the state tournament in his senior season, Ricky suffered an obscure injury via the venomous bite of a Moragan Water Cougar. The Cougar's neurotoxins rendered Ricky unable to move any fingers, save for the index and middle fingers of his right hand. To compensate, Ricky developed an innovative forehand grip that only required the use of his two usable fingers. Ricky's miraculous run to the championship match ended in an inevitable forfeit loss to Malibu's feudal lord Jaden Smith due to California State Law. Despite his loss, every Californian proudly remembers "The Legend of Two-Finger Rick."
As a positive by-product of the Cougar venom, Ricky gained a velvety vocal tone and enough front-man moxie to make him a go-to soloist in the Friars. A hit at sororities, Ricky often brings female audiences to tears with his moving rendition of "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line.
In his free time, Ricky enjoys watching re-runs of PBS's "Clifford the Big Red Dog," doing tai chi in the parking lot at Chili's, and drinking regular Sierra Mist straight from the bottle.
Sutton “SlimThick” Bradley, chumming from the state of Colorado, where there are mountains
or something, brings a diversity to the Friars unmatched by any other. His hobbies include
almond milk tastings, and creating mashups of 90’s hip-hop with classical baroque
masterpieces. His most popular track being, Baby Got Bach. Sutton also is known for his
entrepreneurial mind and can be seen marketing his off brand cookware to local restaurants
under the alias, Sir Cooks-a-Lot. His saucy voice leads to his undeniable charm with single
mothers who put clothes on their dogs and drive Mazda B-Series pickup trucks (zoom zoom).
Read the first letter in each line for a secret fact about Sutton.
Now this is a story all about how
Owen’s life got flip turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute so please don’t go
And I’ll tell you the story of a man called Big O.
North West of Philadelphia, born and raised
In the ugli is where he spends most of his days
A chem e always workin and studyin, its all school
Sleeping at the lib, I just hope he don’t drool
When a couple of guys, let’s call em the friars
Heard Owen sing and they thought it was fire
An audition, an acoustic version of Get Low,
And now Owen’s the smoothest Friar at every show.